sipping dew

sipping dew in a wine glass.
looking at the lady in the glass window distilling last night’s rain drops.
there’s frost in the shadows of (my) thoughts.
but we’re in a hot country where sweat leaks from the folds of our flesh.
the sun rises and sets sooner than memories
of father, mother, all still children
raising children older than
their confused love

the change in a room

when i was a child the change in a room, or its function, always felt like magic. one obvious example would be our family’s old living room when christmas was coming. i would stare at the baubles and fairy lights on our christmas tree as if there were many different little worlds in them. not ones incubated by elves or magical creatures, no. they were more like ours, filled with regular people. and i would be in one of them. i didn’t know what i would do in them but at that time the thought felt nice.

there was this other time when the school organized a sleepover for the students. and we would all sleep in our classrooms. i thought it sounded fun but i guess i didn’t think long enough. early in the afternoon, before the events of what would be one of the worst nights in my life began to roll out, my parents actually asked me to choose whether i go with them to puncak or stay and camp at school. i chose the latter — a stupid, stupid choice. when the teachers turned off the lights, what i thought would be an innocent sleepover — camping, they said — turned into a crazy horror show and our school was the horrible setting. i felt this uncontrollable urge to just go to where my parents were. it was an emotion rather unfamiliar for me. it was rage, abandonment, and painful regret all at once. but in hindsight, it went a little bit beyond that. i felt utterly and thoroughly deceived, both by my teachers and parents. i wanted to show independence and plunged myself right into it. what could a little sleepover at our safe little school do to me. well, nobody fucking told me they would fucking scare the children!

but there was nothing i could do, not even cry. it would be social suicide to cry when you were stuck spending the night with the whole school. in the morning, i was a different person i think. i grew up a bit, into an adult who always try to hold her tears just a bit longer every time. so it was good, eh?

until something finally went bust and leaked.

Log #10

i was walking up this hilly road with my cousin when we passed a gate. the sign said “exit”, but strangely i couldn’t find another gate with the sign “entrance”. this “exit” gate was open and there was a moderate space for parking. beyond that, i saw a small winding road – i couldn’t see where the road is going but one thing for sure it is going downwards. trees and bushes were almost everywhere. it seemed like a proper walking and picnicking area for tourists.

my cousin was trying to tell me a story about the gate and the place behind it but i didn’t listen to her as i saw two of my high school friends inside. R was parking his car and [i-forgot-his-name] was standing and giving instructions. i was excited and R was all smiles but [i-forgot-his-name] had this serious and stern look on his face. i wanted to get in but they told me not to – R with a nice and friendly tone, [i-forgot-his-name] with a deadly one.

my cousin urged me to go on so i told the guys i would meet them again later. my cousin was still telling me the story about the gate and the place behind it – it was supposed to be a chilling one but i couldn’t make out the plot. it seemed as if she was babbling along although she knew i didn’t understand and she also knew that she wasn’t making any sense.

we entered a village – it was so much like collobrières but not as colorful. then, all of a sudden, we heard a commotion from behind us. something awful was happening. we ran back to where we came from, together with most of the villagers.

it was dark. the night had begun to settle in.

we heard piercing shrieks. they came from the behind the gate. there were several people there and all of them were attacked by some invisible entity.

my perspective then shifted into a bird’s-eye-view and shared that of the entity. it was like i was flying along with “it”.

“it” hovered above the village, as slowly and surely as the darkness of the night. lights started to lit up and the bright areas seem to be resistant to the dark. you know immediately that those are the areas where the thing’s power cannot cover.

each one of the villagers seems to be fully aware of the thing’s presence. they know when the thing is so close to their back and then they will walk into a bright spot.

i saw a child crying with horror, his face was staring at me and his eyes were full of fear. but right before the thing could get a grip on him, somebody pulled the child and brought him into light. he was saved.

then i saw an old man sweeping the road with a broomstick. i was getting closer to him but he didn’t bulge an inch. i was getting even closer and i began to feel afraid for him. exactly on the very last moment – i could see the back of his neck very clearly – he stepped into a circle of light on the ground. he turned his head and shot me a defiant look. i rocketed up into the dark sky with the thing.

my perspective changed again. i was back into the story and i was standing in front of an old building. it was built on top of a hill. it was a museum.

i ran into the building. it was pitch black inside. all i could see was the silhouettes of the museum’s collection. i knew the thing was behind me so i ran like hell.

i arrived at the very last room at the very end of the building. i opened the door and i found a bunch of people inside. they were obviously students, listening to their lecturer, who looked like a 30-something woman. one thing for sure, they weren’t from the village because they didn’t seem to realize the importance of having the room fully-lighted after dark.

the thing was still behind me.

i informed them of the danger as quickly as i could and demanded that they turn on the main light. one of the students did but to my dismay, it was a very old lamp. the lights were very dim and it only gave a small and shady circle on the floor.

i told everybody to gather in the circle. it barely fitted us all but it was better than nothing.

i remember one girl was still standing by the window, smoking. she was in the dark. i told her to move into the circle but she told me she didn’t believe that there was such a thing as the thing.

then her cigarette was taken from her fingers by something unseen and the window slammed shut. she ran into the circle and joined us immediately.

i don’t remember much details of what happened next. things happened very quickly and the thing was taunting us badly.
somehow, it let us see its face. it took a mirror and we saw.. a girl’s face.

i don’t know how and why, but she assured me that she wouldn’t hurt me. and this other guy. i don’t remember his face clearly but he was lean and taller than i am.

she asked me to tell everyone in the room to go to the yard outside.

there were a lot of students there. it then occurred to me that they were freshmen on an initiation trip with their seniors. the people who were with me in the room were some of the seniors.

she-thing wanted to play around with those freshers. funny, i could sense, or rather, see where she was in the dark. she let me warn the people and inform them of her position – but if anyone wasn’t quick enough to run from her, he or she would become her prey.

it was a deadly game.

cries filled the night air.

at last, she felt tired. she put her arms on my and the guy’s shoulderd and walked with us.

“let’s go.”

we were standing in front of a gate. there were still several freshers lingering around. tears and fear decorated their expression.

“i promise i won’t touch you later on if you let me have some more of those freshers without you warning them. now do you let me? remember, if you don’t, there’s no guarantee of your and his safety. plus, you can choose some other people to go with us in the car. they will be safe, too. but, you have to let me do it without you giving any warning.”

i said ok.

i heard some more screams and the freshers who lingered at the gate were crying hysterically.

we drove away.