of seeing you behind my tears

you stood glossed in front of me.

like an antique.

purified.

like porcelain.

and everything else just stopped.

like portrait.

frozen-still.

like almost dead.

 

you stood blurred in front of me.

like a shadow.

darkening.

like a demon.

and the rest just faded away.

like a small feather.

hovering.

like almost gone.

 

 

 

 

21 january 2001
“bagaimana sembuh dari asmara, kecuali dengan perang?” (centhini – kekasih yang tersembunyi, hal. 31)

Log #29

we – M, D and i – were reading poems to each other. each sounded like a masterpiece. and we were ecstatic.

i was having dinner with a few friends who didn’t exist in real life in a ground floor flat with a wide window looking to the garden. two of them were couples. the bell rang and the girl went to the door. the boy was suspicious. i now can’t remember whether the guest was male or female but it was somebody whom the boy felt jealous of.

i and another set of friends went to the graves of two deceased friends. but they were no gravesite. they were buried in a corner in an empty dilapidated house. we drew two rectangles with a colored chalk – one is taller than the other – and damaged the floor within. we did a short chant and a friend of mine even walked on what’s supposed to be the heads. in just a short while, we saw movements from below the earth. the dead woke up like they had only been sleeping. everyone let out a satisfied cheer.