“ruangan ini ditutup & disegel”

we used to look outside
commenting on the many lives passing by our window at the corner
thinking we should at least have a bit of fun while we waste ours

though only secretly

and in our big little heads we wanted to believe
take pride even
in having total control of the process
we thought this wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t let it

and so we told stories
none of them ours
held on to the neverending,
hopefully like the night,
glasses of cheers
laughed sinister laughs
pleasant to our heartless ears

while inside
we had the suspicion this could actually be

love,

prayed hard for it,
then washed it down with
jokes
they brought tears to our hopeless eyes

then one night we held hands under the table

another we tried to look more drunk than we really were
(after you kissed me in the rest room)

and now we are looking in
at the dusts sitting in our chairs

(what would we say about us?)

and we walk
home

Log #29

we – M, D and i – were reading poems to each other. each sounded like a masterpiece. and we were ecstatic.

i was having dinner with a few friends who didn’t exist in real life in a ground floor flat with a wide window looking to the garden. two of them were couples. the bell rang and the girl went to the door. the boy was suspicious. i now can’t remember whether the guest was male or female but it was somebody whom the boy felt jealous of.

i and another set of friends went to the graves of two deceased friends. but they were no gravesite. they were buried in a corner in an empty dilapidated house. we drew two rectangles with a colored chalk – one is taller than the other – and damaged the floor within. we did a short chant and a friend of mine even walked on what’s supposed to be the heads. in just a short while, we saw movements from below the earth. the dead woke up like they had only been sleeping. everyone let out a satisfied cheer.