Category: Thoughts

ihik

saya baru saja membuat nyawa seekor cecurut melayang. sehabis makan siang, ketika beranjak dari kursi, saya merasa kaki kiri saya menginjak sebuah benda kecil yang kenyal hingga agak tergelincir. lalu saya menapak mundur untuk melihat benda itu. ia tengkurap tak bergerak di permukaan lantai – makhluk mungil berbulu abu-abu yang bagian lehernya membuntal, jelas karena terpelintir.

ihik

ia lalu disapu pembantu saya dan dibawa keluar rumah. saya dapat mendengar dengan jelas teriakan cecurut-cecurut yang menghuni pojok-pojok halaman. saya bayangkan mereka akan segera membentuk barisan untuk menyerbu pembunuh kamerad mereka. segera saya berlari masuk kamar, bergidik.

ihik

kaki kiri saya terasa aneh. seperti semutan. seperti gatal.

ihik

saya pembunuh berdarah dingin.

yesterday was my first day volunteering at a charity shop in stirling. i arrived at the shop at exactly 1 pm and was immediately paired with a very nice lady called bridget. the first skill that i had to learn was operating the till.

the full moon is up

i am ready to

transform

it was 22nd july 2005, the day i was supposed to hand in the 5000-word piece.

instead of that, i sent my supervisor an email saying that i couldn’t meet the target
and asking for an extension until next week. he replied right
away and granted my request.

feeling relieved and somewhat charged, i went to the library and
borrowed some books. after a nice dinner and a hot shower, i plopped
myself onto my bed and opened one of them. i decided that from then on
i would devote more of my time and thoughts to my work. i would not let
anything distract me. i would not bulge to any temptations.

hohoho

it was 19th july 2005.

i had found a new hobby. watching the smokes coming out from my
cigarette. examining how they slowly emerge from the vermillion tobacco
tips, elegantly dance their way out into the vast domain of thin air,
swirl swirl like nothing else could – for it was why they were born –
to finally withdraw from the split-second performance quietly and
slowly and then be forgotten.

imagine. being born to swirl. then forgotten. yet they were so full of grace.

i took a sip of vanilla and coconut tea from my favorite cup. and moved
my laptop, notes, and books onto my bed. i needed a new workspace.