between facial wash and toothpaste

i should probably wash my face and brush my teeth now. just in case i
feel sleepy while i’m sitting here in front of my laptop typing these
listening to some dreamy, melancholic, almost suicidal songs because i
feel somewhat hollow and thus i don’t feel like doing anything
than indulging myself in this mellow air. i know when i feel sleepy in
this state i will be too lazy to wash my face and brush my teeth.
so maybe i’d better go and do them now. but no i don’t want to.

is back in the house. and there she goes thud thud bam bam again.
banging doors and walking like a little baby elephant. she’s so funny.
good to have her again here. it’s good to have maggie too. it’s as if
the second semester has begun. though still faint, i can smell it
in the air.

and i feel hollow.

can see books scattering on the floor again. i can see me locking up
myself in my room again. gluing my eyes onto the screen of my laptop.
if by doing that words will type themselves right into the pages of my
microsoft word document. oh my god. i can see the stress.

and this well within me is getting deeper.

i want to write poems tonight. but i don’t think i can.

and i think i’m falling into the seemingly endless hole now.

yes. it’s time to lie down and stare at the ceiling. i’ll wash my face and brush my teeth when the morning comes.

no. i think i’ll do it now.


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